ARE YOU READY TO PARENT
Parenting is a full time profession and at times difficult to perform. Nobody is perfect; however parental mistakes should never be used as an excuse. So what is the solution? The solution is to continuously seek the knowledge through parent groups, books, magazines, the Bible and the world wide web.
There are several signs and effects of Bad Parenting. Many kids lose their self-esteem or develop bad habits or feel inhibited for the rest of their lives due to bad parenting. Parenting is a continuous job and children rely on parents to set the stage. So make it a point to take time out for children, teach them the correct mannerisms and correct them when they do wrong. Parents themselves need to live by example for their children to see. There is no point in counseling a child about smoking and the hazards of alcohol while you continue to be a chain smoker and alcoholic yourself. That would be considered BAD PARENTING 101!
There are several signs and effects of Bad Parenting. Many kids lose their self-esteem or develop bad habits or feel inhibited for the rest of their lives due to bad parenting. Parenting is a continuous job and children rely on parents to set the stage. So make it a point to take time out for children, teach them the correct mannerisms and correct them when they do wrong. Parents themselves need to live by example for their children to see. There is no point in counseling a child about smoking and the hazards of alcohol while you continue to be a chain smoker and alcoholic yourself. That would be considered BAD PARENTING 101!
Here are just a few examples of bad parenting:
*Avoiding and Neglecting your Child
*Physical and Verbal Abuse
*Encouraging Bad Behavior in Children and not Disciplining
*Favoritism or Partiality
*Forcing choices on Children
*Not trusting the child
*Too much Pampering or Interfering
Adults who have experienced a difficult childhood have two choices in life to make;
#1 Either they learn to control or change negative behaviors and acknowledge the pain or
#2 Allow the pain of the past to consume them which could possibly develop into a vicious angry cycle. Even though you had a bad childhood, your choices are still yours and accountability is yours to own. Read the stories below and see how bad parenting can damage a child into adulthood.
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CHILD #1 - I'm a victim of bad parenting. I'm 25 now, but when I was a teenager, my parents had me mostly convinced it was all my fault and that if I "just did ___", they would treat me better. Lies, lies, lies! After I grew up and moved out, I discovered that my relatives believed that I had bad parents. I really, really
wish I knew how to undo the emotional pain of 18 years' worth of verbal and emotional abuse, neglect,
favoritism of my younger brother, not being wise with money.... you name it, they did it (except pampering, they never bothered with that one). Parents, please-- love your kids, and apologize when something is your fault! Let my story be a warning tale. I haven't seen my parents in 3 years, and exchange emails maybe twice a year. I'm getting married next year, and they're not on the guest list.
*Physical and Verbal Abuse
*Encouraging Bad Behavior in Children and not Disciplining
*Favoritism or Partiality
*Forcing choices on Children
*Not trusting the child
*Too much Pampering or Interfering
Adults who have experienced a difficult childhood have two choices in life to make;
#1 Either they learn to control or change negative behaviors and acknowledge the pain or
#2 Allow the pain of the past to consume them which could possibly develop into a vicious angry cycle. Even though you had a bad childhood, your choices are still yours and accountability is yours to own. Read the stories below and see how bad parenting can damage a child into adulthood.
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CHILD #1 - I'm a victim of bad parenting. I'm 25 now, but when I was a teenager, my parents had me mostly convinced it was all my fault and that if I "just did ___", they would treat me better. Lies, lies, lies! After I grew up and moved out, I discovered that my relatives believed that I had bad parents. I really, really
wish I knew how to undo the emotional pain of 18 years' worth of verbal and emotional abuse, neglect,
favoritism of my younger brother, not being wise with money.... you name it, they did it (except pampering, they never bothered with that one). Parents, please-- love your kids, and apologize when something is your fault! Let my story be a warning tale. I haven't seen my parents in 3 years, and exchange emails maybe twice a year. I'm getting married next year, and they're not on the guest list.
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CHILD #2 - As a stay at home mom of three children ages 15, 13 and 7, I have found myself to be on that list of having bad parents. I grew up with a mom who abused alcohol and I was an only child. Parents divorced when I was 3. My mom had me when she was 16. I raised my mom. I have been lucky enough to grow up and realize that my parents did the best they could do with what ability they had. They were growing up too. I have found that the best way to talk to my kids is honesty. They know how I feel, and why. They need to know that we are human too. If I say things I don't mean, or raise my voice in anger with them over something trivial in perspective, I apologize, and explain the reason why I have done what I did. I am hoping that by doing so, it will help us be closer and teach them to take responsibility for their own actions.
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CHILD #3 - I am 21 and always worry for my own parenting skills. My father verbally, physically and psychologically abused me and my mother did try her best to stop him but she would always let him go at first until she thought he was going too far like kicking me in the side or throwing me out the door. And I truly believe that he did his best to do the most damage without breaking skin or bones so that he wouldn't get caught. I never had more than a few cuts or nasty bruises. My mother and I are not close due to her lack of trust and strict discipline and struggle inside to be in the same room as my father. I still live at home and its a daily struggle, even if the physical abuse has stopped. I worry for my younger brother who doesn't believe that verbal abuse and hitting (not spanking) is bad parenting and wonder if I really want my future children to know their grandfather.
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CHILD #3 - I am 21 and always worry for my own parenting skills. My father verbally, physically and psychologically abused me and my mother did try her best to stop him but she would always let him go at first until she thought he was going too far like kicking me in the side or throwing me out the door. And I truly believe that he did his best to do the most damage without breaking skin or bones so that he wouldn't get caught. I never had more than a few cuts or nasty bruises. My mother and I are not close due to her lack of trust and strict discipline and struggle inside to be in the same room as my father. I still live at home and its a daily struggle, even if the physical abuse has stopped. I worry for my younger brother who doesn't believe that verbal abuse and hitting (not spanking) is bad parenting and wonder if I really want my future children to know their grandfather.
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CHILD #4 - My parents split before I can remember, but I remember being a lot younger and having to deal with my mother
remarrying before the ink dried on the divorce decree, and my father going through women like normal people go through underwear. My mother was never a very affectionate person, and the woman my father chose to settle down with was only about fourteen years older than I was, so she didn't have a clue how to handle small children. My mother and I have never been close, and my father, (being in his fifth year of recovery
as a cocaine addict) didn't have any sort of real relationship until I moved in with him.
Dad split from the woman he had been with after ten years and three kids. They were the greatest things that ever happened to that woman, and I had never been anything more than the red-headed stepchild (literally), so when my half siblings were born, I saw my father less than I previously had. My mother was physically abusive until I turned about fourteen and struck back. After that, she was only emotionally abusive. I did, at one point, try to take myself out of this world, but I came to realize that would be selfish. Why not try and be a better mother than mine had been? I believe that every child deserves to have parents that love them and will take care of them, both physically and emotionally.
Don't leave your children to fend for themselves, just because they know how to work the microwave, the toaster, and the oven. Just because they CAN function on their own at nine years old, doesn't mean they always want to. At some point, they want SOME mother figure in their life while they're young to tell them
what's okay and to hold them when they cry. Don't baby them, but don't force them to grow up too fast.
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CHILD #5 - I grew up with very poor parents. My father was a druggie and an alcoholic, and although my
mother didn't do drugs or wasn't a complete drunk like my dad was, she was pretty f***ing lazy. She'd go to work, and immediately hit the bed when she got home. She was very insensitive to many of my problems in
school. As a victim of bullying, I could never go to her for support, as she would find a way to blame me for getting bullied. Even when I'd try to write these things down in a personal journal, she would read it and
angrily confront me and throw my journal away. Very poor parenting, right? Which is probably why the only kind of man that she's ever been with was my dad before they split up. I just vow to never be that awful or lazy or insensitive or a crass arrogant know-it-all towards any of my kids. However, I'm scared that the Poor Parenting Gene may not pass me up as it obviously runs in my family.
Dad split from the woman he had been with after ten years and three kids. They were the greatest things that ever happened to that woman, and I had never been anything more than the red-headed stepchild (literally), so when my half siblings were born, I saw my father less than I previously had. My mother was physically abusive until I turned about fourteen and struck back. After that, she was only emotionally abusive. I did, at one point, try to take myself out of this world, but I came to realize that would be selfish. Why not try and be a better mother than mine had been? I believe that every child deserves to have parents that love them and will take care of them, both physically and emotionally.
Don't leave your children to fend for themselves, just because they know how to work the microwave, the toaster, and the oven. Just because they CAN function on their own at nine years old, doesn't mean they always want to. At some point, they want SOME mother figure in their life while they're young to tell them
what's okay and to hold them when they cry. Don't baby them, but don't force them to grow up too fast.
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CHILD #5 - I grew up with very poor parents. My father was a druggie and an alcoholic, and although my
mother didn't do drugs or wasn't a complete drunk like my dad was, she was pretty f***ing lazy. She'd go to work, and immediately hit the bed when she got home. She was very insensitive to many of my problems in
school. As a victim of bullying, I could never go to her for support, as she would find a way to blame me for getting bullied. Even when I'd try to write these things down in a personal journal, she would read it and
angrily confront me and throw my journal away. Very poor parenting, right? Which is probably why the only kind of man that she's ever been with was my dad before they split up. I just vow to never be that awful or lazy or insensitive or a crass arrogant know-it-all towards any of my kids. However, I'm scared that the Poor Parenting Gene may not pass me up as it obviously runs in my family.
SHARING STORIES IS HEALING
If you can relate to any of these stories ask yourself if you should blame your parents for your adult shortcomings in life? You should, because if you were given the tools to love, respect, show compassion and live by humility from birth, then your life would have purpose and shortcomings would be yours to own. Breaking the cycle of any negative child upbringing is up to each individual, and this starts by coming to terms with which you suffered as a child, whether it was verbal, physical, sexual or emotional, you must face it by talking to others, our seek counseling. Repressed anger will only lead to further damage and result in a lifestyle of bad circumstances. When you acknowledge the cause and discover the skills to cope with life, it is only then when your inner child discovers acceptance, compassion, understanding and the ability to love and forgive others.